Five.TwentyEight.TwentyTen.

Wanna know the truth?
I have re-written this intro about 7 times.
I have sat down to write my next blog post three times since my last post, and have re-written this intro about 7 times. And yet, this intro is the most real-to-life intro I can think of right now.
Because that's what I do -- I re-write my intro.

Let me give you an example.

As a teenage girl I struggled with deeply rooted insecurity. At the risk of this sounding somewhat like a "Dear Diary" entry, I'll spare the details. Just know that these insecurities were planted in the soil of fear and rooted in lies. I was led to believe, by the enemy and not by anyone close to me, that I was worth next to nothing and completely unlovable. Though I had friends and family who loved me dearly, I had no idea what God's love was like for me, that I was his beloved, and was therefore convinced that these people couldn't truly love me. However, by the grace of God I began to get discipled by my best friend's mom who was able to reveal the deeper issues of fear and rejection that I had rooted my identity in, and helped me re-build myself on the Rock in which I cannot be uprooted.
So, by the end of my sophomore year of college, I felt victorious. I had conquered what I always thought was the unconquerable - my insecurity. God poured himself on me and showered me with his love.

And then I forgot.
I don't mean literally forgot, or how else would I tell this story, silly!
I mean I forgot, just how the Israelites forgot that God has parted the Red Sea before their very eyes days after He did it. Only my forgetfulness came in the form of anti-grace. (Okay, I know that isn't a word, and if you have a better antonym for grace, send it my way).
And it still comes that way. I forget the heights from which I fell.
What I'm trying to admit here is that I lack grace, and it kills me. I get frustrated when people don't listen to my advice, especially in an area that I've experienced first hand. I lose patience quickly. Although initially I sympathize, it isn't long until I get frustrated and give up.

Why? Because I re-write my intro's...like an idiot.
I forget that this confidence I now possess (a confidence, I should warn you, is no where near complete and is still somewhat crippled by insecurity I continue to battle) is not something I came out of the womb with. No. Instead, it is simply me understanding His love for me more and more that gives me confidence.
Does this make sense? Sometimes I know my words come out all jumbled, and honestly I'm quite tired and don't want to edit this. What I'm trying to say is that my past is not something to be forgotten, but something to be given back to God as praise. I cannot keep re-writing the beginning of my story, because without Egypt there is no Promise Land -- and without bondage, there is no real freedom. I must, in the words of Isaiah, Look to the rock from which I was cut and to the quarry from which I was hewn.

Thanks for listening. Sorry it took me forever to write again. I get writer's block like I get lazy eyes...every night while I'm watching tv.

As is the custom (if I've only done it once, can it be a custom?), here is my prayer request:
Camp starts in about two weeks. We still need scholarship funds. PLEASE donate if you have the means; if not, PLEASE pray we receive more donations.
We also need a lot of prayer. I want more than ANYTHING for the staff to be unified, and unified in Christ. As I have learned recently, it is easy to be unified in sin. However, I want this staff to be unified in Jesus, that this unity may be reflected in our ministry this summer.
Pray for campers.

I thank all four of you for reading. Hope you enjoyed. I want so badly to act insecure and apologize for it sucking, but I won't do that. Or did I just do that?
I'm a work in progress.
Love you all very much.

Yours truly. Me.