Go'n Brush Yo Throne Off

Fantastic Four,
It's just a couple days now before the staff show up here at camp. I cannot believe it. All this work that Noobie (my co-worker, also known in the real world as “Will”) and I have poured into Apostle is finally coming together. We are putting the last finishing touches on workshops, getting together our camp schedule, and praying more than ever. It has been so incredible to watch God work in and through Noobie and I these past couple months and I feel SO incredibly blessed to have been able to be apart of a program that I believe in and love. I thank you all so so much for your prayers and encouragement, for speaking truth into my life, and for letting me leave home to venture to Santa Cruz and experience God in a new way. You all could have hated me for going (as I probably would if any of you left me), but you sent me off with prayers and love. I have come to realize I am blessed with the finest of people in my life, you being some of them. So with that, I say thank you! And please continue to lift camp up throughout the summer as God puts it on your heart.

Next point of business...This is where you let me express what God is doing in my life through words. Thanks for that too.

In preparation for camp I encouraged the Apostle counselors (the counselors for mine and Noobie's program at camp) to be praying for God to remove that which will hinder their ministry this summer. That sounded like such a good prayer, I thought, HECK! Why don’t I pray the same thing!

Ha.

Oh, how thoroughly our Lord answers prayers, amen?

The past two weeks have been some of the hardest weeks for me up here thus far, and yet I don't know if anyone would necessarily have noticed a change in me. Everything that I have been going through has been an inward cleansing. God has been doing some deep cleaning, complete with those metal sponges you’re convinced only damage and don’t actually clean things, as well as the stinkiest of stain removers that claim to remove pet odors.
To sum up these past two weeks, I got beat up. I feel sore, achy, bruised. God has pulled stuff up from the darkest corners of my heart, all leading to the dirtiest of all places...God's throne.
What I mean is simply this: God has a rightful place in our hearts, on HIS throne. And yet in my own heart God's throne has a whole lot of crap on it. And what's crazy is that not all of this crap is necessarily bad; it' just in the wrong place. It does not deserve to sit on the same throne my Jesus sits on. And yet his throne is cluttered. So many things that I never realized come before God in my own life were there, sitting on the throne, assuming the position of God in my life.
I'll spare you the emo-details of what exactly these "belongings" are. Just know that God's word has lit up my heart, exposing the mess I have made, and yet He has given me the tools to clean it up. Why? Because God is good. And I don't mean that lightly. I mean that God, to His very core essence, is good. His nature. His judgments. His love. His plan. His discipline. His encouragement. His everything is just good.
My friend Susan recently went through a very testing trial. Her husband George experienced a heart attack a little over a week ago. On Monday night I sat with her on her bed and talked to her about everything that had been going on. She explained to me that God allowed for George to stay. He was dead on that day on the side of the road, no heartbeat, no pulse; and yet God brought him back to life. It has made her realize even more that everything is about Jesus. She told me that if our lives are not centered around Christ in every way then we just aren't living right. It's no longer what George and Susan want; it's all about what God wants for them and their lives.

That is why Jesus deserves that place in my heart. Because when he sits in our hearts, our lives are centered around him; and when our lives are centered around him we experience “life to the fullest,” seeing the pure Goodness of God in even the hardest of situations.
He sits rightfully on the throne for a reason.

So yeah, I’m sore. Really sore. And I see myself in a light I never saw before – one that exposes my flesh for what it truly is. But it’s a good sore. You know when you spend all day playing a sport and you feel really sore after (I don’t, but I heard it feels amazing! Kidding…kinda), well it’s that kind of sore. A sore that cries out from the aches and pains that you’ll only be stronger after this. A sore that lasts a couple days, and even seems to get progressively worse, strangely enough. Nonetheless, this sore is the kind of sore that says, “You’re getting stronger. You’re going to be able to run the race with more endurance than before.” And I just love that.

God disciplines those He loves.
He must really love me.
And I praise God for this discipline, honestly and whole-heartedly, because if I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman who fears the Lord, is known for her gentle and quiet spirit, and who is confident her worth is found in her identity as a co-heir with Christ and daughter of the Might God, I need to be worked. Hard.
It’s sanctification. And I’m here on this earth to be sanctified.
The End.

Except for PRAY FOR CAMP! And pray specifically for Noobie and I and our roles as Directors this summer. We want the wisdom that is spoken of in James 3:13-18.

I love you all, and cannot wait to share everything that God will be doing this summer.

Shalom. Ahava. Tikvah.
Peace. Love. Hope.